Slowing Down

I’ve experienced an unexpected side effect of my campaign to go postal. It’s called patience.

The definition of patience is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Those who know me are aware that I’ve pursued serenity most of my adult life. I’ve explored yoga, various religions, meditation, beer and wine, all in the chase of a calmer, less angry, more tolerant self.

The parents of my students invariably tell me, “You must have so much patience.” My internal response is, “Hah! If you only knew!” But they are onto something. Little kids with disabilities relentlessly test adult kindness. That’s why it’s them, more than Buddhism or focusing on the breath, who can lead us in the pursuit.

Still I struggle, even with the little ones. It takes effort and awareness to keep my cool.

Antithetical to the search for tranquility has been my overuse of email and IM and facebook to correspond. When I started writing letters and postcards again, at first I raced and waited anxiously for instant response. And waited some more for someone to write back. 

 

Then - eventually - they did.

Now I slow down when I write a letter – even with a postcard, I take my time. I’m no longer in a big, breathless hurry to finish, to hear back. It’s improved my communication, I think, this thoughtful, measured writing, and the results continue to open slowly, like envelopes. Or birds learning to sing, butterflies spreading their wings, blossoms in Spring.