AS IS ... As If

[As if anyone's wondering why it's taken me almost a month to post ...]

As if getting my first flat as a single woman wasn’t enough, my computer broke down the very next day. This turned out to be a much larger crisis than an eensy weensy flat tire because...

My computer is my life.

All of my communication with long distance loved ones takes place through my laptop. In addition, I don’t have a television or a stereo, so I use the computer to watch internet TV and listen to online radio stations. I do all my photo editing on it. I compose my mid-life metamorphosis on it. Without it, my life came to a screeching skidding train wreck of a halt.

Oh, and there was this little problem, too: I had decided to buy a condo. I had been shopping ONLINE for this condo, researching ONLINE my loan opportunities, communicating via email with my realtor and doing all my budget calculations – where else? – ONLINE.

Never mind that I still didn’t have my divorce settlement (which I would need for a down payment on anything larger than a campervan) or anything that resembled actual free time to spend looking for a condo. I just figured that I didn’t have enough stress in my life already during the last two weeks of the schol year. Why not try to buy a house, too?

Luckily, my Buddhist teacher Kelsang Inchug came to town on the 17th. We spent nearly two hours meditating on death. I don’t think there’s ever been a better-timed contemplation of the only thing we know for certain. Once again in the space of 48 hours, my life came to a halt – only this time, there wasn’t any screeching. I just eased on the break until I’d slowed down enough to actually breathe.

P.S. My friend Sherri’s husband Alton taught me how to change a flat. Sherri made him let me do it myself while wearing a skirt. I’ll bet I looked pretty charming, bouncing up and down on the thingie to loosen the lug nuts. And now I know how to change a tire.

P.P.S. Now that I have my divorce settlement, I am taking my friend Winnie’s advice and doing nothing. I’m taking my life as is. I’m sitting and thinking. I’m trying the quiet, contemplative route without forcing myself to make a decision in the next 2.4 minutes. It’s really different for me and it's actually sort of working.